We all want to feel loved. With everything going on in the world and personal lives, we want to know that somebody has our back, front and side. We want to know that we are loved and cared for. Do we always get that–NO. Do we find heart ache and heartbreaks in our relationships–YES. Do we deal with people who can treat us less than worthy, who disrespect us, cheat on us and leave us feeling less than lovable? YES. And depending on our threshold for pain-we come to a point that we shut down and crawl back in our corner filled with anger, bitterness and a whole lot of pain.
I use relationships as a starting point because it’s usually at this point that we have our wake up call–our wake up call from Spirit-asking-are you now ready to love you?? Even though it’s painful, it’s a powerful place to be. If you’re ready, you will allow yourself to stay right there and get the lesson. The lesson that it’s now time for me to love me some me. Now it may not be a relationship that brought you to that point. It could’ve been headaches over finances, a job, a business. It could be that you’re tired and weary of suffering through a childhood trauma and the deep scars that it left. The scars that no one else sees but it evidenced in your life. There may be scars that you are not consciously aware of because you’re numb, used to the pain or may think it’s normal. Whatever it is, whatever it was-there’s usually something glaring in our face that pushes us to go as deep as we need to go. It may also be a series of events that take you deeper and help you get into the routine of loving yourself consistently.
For me, learning how to love myself came in bits and pieces. I thought I was rock bottom. My worth, my values, my sense of self-love and respect had been compromised from the age of 6 when I first experienced incest at the hands of my father. That left me feeling rotted to my core. Unloved, unworthy, not trusting and not loving myself. Later in life my choice in men and limited lifestyle reflected my perception of self and what I thought I deserved. I thought I was that pain, I thought I was the incest, I thought that I was the trauma and I treated myself as such.
After having my first child, I knew that in order to teach her to love herself-I had to learn to love me. So my conscious journey began. She was my drive at the time. After years of practicing, failing and practicing some more, I became my own drive. I began to feel better and better about me and wanted more of that feeling. I still put myself in compromising situations but each time, I dug deeper and learned to love me more intensely. My most recent life change was a combination of because I love me and I need to learn to love me more. I divorced and left a 20 year relationship as a life choice to love and honor myself. There were so many things that I settled for and didn’t reflect how much I loved me. It didn’t reflect how much God loved me.
Here are some tips to help you Put YOUR LOVE ON TOP!
- Upgrade your Self-Perception–Who Do you think You Are? We have a habit of seeing ourselves as paupers when we are really queens! Because of what we’ve been taught about being a woman, our position, our role, the downfall of Adam and the garden, the downfall of mankind, kingdoms that fell because of men lusting and fighting over us, we are poison, it’s all our faults and on our shoulders. We’ve learned this since we were young and we carry the responsibility, blame and shortcomings for everything and everyone. Not realizing that it chips away at our self-esteem and overall sense of self. It keeps us further from our throne, our heart! If by basic law, as within – so without, as above – so below is forever functioning in our world . . . we need a reality check on how powerful we truly are. We have the power to change this whole joint around by upgrading how we see ourselves as it relates to our personal lives and the world. Begin to be still, listen to, vision and feel how God sees us. It may be scary but be still with it. Shift your beliefs about yourself. Be mindful of what are you thinking and telling yourself about yourself. Watch your thoughts and feelings about you and begin to replace those unloving thoughts with loving and supportive thoughts. See yourself as your own caregiver and cheerleader.
- Self-Appreciation–You have to maintain your value, your worth, your interests, your many aspects, your gifts, your creativity no matter WHAT! Did you hear me! No matter what! Don’t leave it for someone else to appreciate you and drop the ball on yourself, heck no! That is your responsibility first. So the first thing we are going to do is learn to appreciate ourselves. Right where we are. Broke, down, unhappy and busted. Or happy, high as a kite, passionate for life. Whatever – wherever. The only way to get up is to look up and stand your butt up. Self-appreciation helps you get there and creates a vibration that attracts more for you to appreciate.
- Get committed to you–Your work, your gifts, your contribution to the world. Your self-care, your me-time, your studies. All of the things that are important to you–get committed and consistent with it.
- Self Acceptance–accepting yourself right where you are. All of your flaws, weaknesses, looking in the mirror, prayer, looking at the things you’re in denial about with a loving and compassionate eye, releasing self-judgment and criticism. Take you as you are as you grow and deepen your love for self.
- Radically love yourself- telling yourself over and over again how much you love you, what you love about you, doing beautiful things for yourself, show yourself love the way you would want your perfect partner to show you love. Really taking the time to be with yourself and give yourself the attention you deserve.
YOU DESERVE the BEST THAT YOU HAVE TO OFFER!! Remember, don’t ask someone to love you more than you love you!